MOVIE REVIEW: HEAD OF STATE (2003) * * * (3 stars out of 4).
This movie, co-written, directed by, and starring Chris Rock, was funny and clever. I know it’s totally supposed to be just a light-hearted, silly, absurd comedy, but I was, nonetheless, a little bothered by some of the things in it. For example, why would a black Democratic Presidential candidate be campaigning in Texas and Nevada? It seems to me that those are the two states that most any Democrat who didn’t happen to come from one of those states would typically write off, so that he or she could focus on the states that will be more closely contested. Yet, the only states where the protagonist is shown campaigning are those two, and the more sensible, in-play choices of Illinois and Florida. And it’s not like everything in the movie made wasn’t just silly and absurd, but this just didn’t make any sense, yet it wasn’t funny either. So, I don’t want to seem nit-picky here, but it would have been just as entertaining to show real battleground states, like Michigan or Pennsylvania, and it wouldn’t have taken me out of the story. This, of course, is just one example among many. But, all in all, I really did enjoy the movie very much, and laughed a lot. I recommend it.
GOTCHA!
This conversation took place about fifteen minutes ago, between me and my brother Greg D. over the phone when I called him.
ME: Greg, are you watching the news?
GREG: No.
ME: Somebody just shot George W. Bush!
GREG: Really?
ME: Yeah, they think he’s going to be okay. He’s still conscious and talking.
GREG: Oh, my god!
ME: Put on the news.
GREG: Okay.
ME: Did you put on the news?
GREG: Yes, I just put it on.
ME: April Fools!
GREG: I didn’t really believe you.
ME: I think you did.
GREG: Yeah, you got me. That wasn’t cool.
ME: Sure it was. It’s April Fools Day. That’s totally cool on April Fool’s Day.
GREG: Yeah, I guess.
ME: Okay, good, now I can go to sleep tonight, not thinking that I wasted the whole April Fool’s Day.
BOOK REVIEW: ACCIDENTAL PLAYBOY: CAUGHT IN THE ULTIMATE MALE FANTASY (2002) * 1/2 (1 and a half stars out of 4).
The book chronicles nerve.com columnist Leif Ueland‘s experience after he was “accidentally” thrust by circumstance into the position of chronicling Playboy’s search for their year 2000 “playmate of the millennium” for the Playboy Web site.
So, early on, the book promises to be something of an expose of the shallowness involved in the whole liking-people-for-their-looks thing, by someone who thinks of himself as a deep thinker, who is working on the great American novel. But, the opposite turns out to be the case. It is, “accidentally” an expose of this so-called deep thinker who, as my friend Rob K. put it, “thinks he’s a saint because he’s one step removed from the devil himself.” That is, because he’s maybe 1% less shallow than the people around him, he thinks he’s incredibly un-shallow, which he isn’t. Almost immediately, he’s dropped his idea of making his playboy.com column classy, and is obsessed with making it popular. And he keeps telling himself that, because he’ll never have another opportunity like this, it’s important that he have sex with someone once during this year of working for Playboy. And like a made-for-playboy movie, the book’s climax comes when he sleeps with a random stranger who he met on the road, as though that resolved everything.
GREG AND RACHEL WEEKEND.
As I mentioned, my brother Greg and his fiance Rachel visited for the weekend. They came Thursday, and we had dinner at the Carnegie Deli. Friday, we got up early for a business meeting, the ostensible purpose of the trip. We went to Curry Hill (Lexington and 28th) to find an Indian restaurant for lunch, which was delicious, though I forget the name. Friday, we saw Kimberly Akimbo and then had a late dinner at Rosie O’Grady’s Saloon. Saturday, we had lunch at Churrascaria Plataforma and saw a Jessica Delfino-hosted comedy show, and then had another dinner at the Carnegie Deli. Sunday, we grabbed lunch at Island Burgers and Shakes, and it was off to the airport.
THEATER REVIEW: KIMBERLY AKIMBO * * (2 stars out of 4).
As my sister-in-law to be, Rachel put it, Kimberly Akimbo has the feel of a mediocre Disney-Channel sit-com. I think the play, with its references to Holocaust denial and with its adult sexual themes, might not play so well on the Disney Channel, but it didn’t really work at all as a comedy. The dramatic moments also failed to excite, as the building mystery of the play turned out to have a very unsatisfying solution. The only entertaining part of the play was Kimberly’s eccentric aunt Debra, played delightfully by Saturday Night Live‘s Anna Gasteyer. I actually didn’t recognize her at all, and was quite surprised to see her name on the playbill just this minute.
ANOTHER NAME CHANGE.
I used to call this blog “David’s Journal”. But I learned that there were about a thousand other blogs called “David’s Journal”, so I changed the name to “Delusions of Mediocrity”, after the line in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind where the Julia Roberts Character says that asylums are full of people who think that they’re a spy or the President, but nobody ever has a delusion that they’re an insurance salesman.
But shortly after that, I started getting a lot of private comments from a lot of different people (i.e., not just you) that my blog was too self-important and self-aggrandizing, especially from people who had just started reading it. I think that when people saw it as my personal journal, they were quite understanding that this blog is, of course, written for me, and not for you, and so it takes as its most central and fundamental and unquestionable premise that what I have to say is important and interesting. This is not because I am absolutely convinced that what I have to say is important and interesting. Rather, it’s because one can’t really keep much of a journal without first taking this premise as one’s starting point.
But with the name change to “Delusions of Mediocrity,” I think there was some mistaken impression that the purpose of this blog is to entertain and enlighten and inform, which it most certainly is not, with the single exception that it’s supposed to entertain and enlighten and inform only me. “You” (whoever you are) should certainly feel free to read it if you like, but definitely, you should not feel that you are under any obligation whatsoever to do so, least of all to me.
Accordingly, and as you can see above, I’ve gone ahead and re-titled my blog again. Rather than choose a name that emphasizes the personal, diary-like nature of my blog, I’ve instead decided to rename it in a way that emphasizes my near-total indifference to the reader’s opinion, and which is calculated to encourage my critics to throw up their respective hands in frustration and disgust. After all, just who the hell do I think I am?
This is The Official Record.
VISITORS.
My brother Greg and his fiance Rachel are visiting me for the weekend. Every time they say or do anything, they mock me by asking, “Are you going to put that in your blog?”
MAYBE I MADE TOO MUCH OF THIS. OR IS IT A CONSPIRACY?
They did wind up taping Letterman last night, after all, but La Boheme had to cancel its Matinee yesterday. Maybe the explosion yesterday in Times Square was really no big deal. There was not one word about this on the news as far as I could tell, except for playbill.com announcing the La Boheme cancelling. Is that because a manhole cover being blown off a manhole in a loud explosion in the most obvious terrorist target in the country is really no big deal at all? Or is it some sinister media conspiricy to avoid telling people about various incidents that probably are not, but then again may be, related to terrorism, since that will be bad for tourism, and people’s emotional well-being?
In a world where terrorism was not even a possibility, wouldn’t an explosion in Times Square resulting in minor injuries and blocking traffic for hours get at least a quick mention on the news? Doesn’t the fact that Times Square is an obvious terrorist target make such an explosion more, rather than less, newsworthy? All I know is that when I told people about what had happenned, every one of them thought it was a pretty big deal, and every one of them was shocked not to have heard about it on at least the local news. I don’t know what to think, but I’m certainly not comforted by the media silence.
ON THE HOMEFRONT LINES.
There was just an explosion in Times Square, about 500 feet from my apartment.
I’ve felt a little jumpy, lately, about living right at Times Square, an obvious terrorist target. Lately, I’ve been better about not jumping and checking out the window every time a garbage can gets rattled or some thunder strikes. But this was definitely different, the unmistakable sound of a loud, nearby explosion. I went to my balcony window, and saw a plume of smoke rising above Broadway about level with my balcony up on the 23rd floor. I went downstairs, and people were saying that it was a Con Edison (the electric company) explosion. I went around the block, and was told by some witnesses that a manhole cover blew off the manhole and hit the roof and fell back to the sidewalk.
The explosion took place on 53rd Street at Broadway at the corner nearest my apartment. My apartment is on Broadway between 54th Street and 55th Street. The explosion was adjacent to the Ed Sullivan theater, which is where The Late Show with David Letterman is taped. Someone who worked at the show said that they probably wouldn’t tape the show tonight, because of the explosion. Also, a crew member from La Boheme, across the street at The Broadway Theater expressed doubt about whether they’d have a performance tonight either.
I don’t know if this was terrorism related or not. It’s been about an hour, but there’s been not a word about it on New York One, the 24-hour New York news channel, though I did see a NY1 reporter on the scene. According to a health worker on the scene who I spoke with, there were some minor injuries but no major ones.
Here are some pictures I took:
Firefighters and police arrived on the scene and cut off traffic within about one minute after the explosion.
A large crowd formed in front of the Ed Sullivan Theater, which was adjacent to the explosion.
This was where the explosion occurred. The manhole cover was blown off of this manhole, which was still smoldering more than half an hour later. Note how the ground is scorched at the edges of the hole.
This is the cover, blown off the manhole.
A wider shot, showing both the hole and the blown-off cover.
The view from my balcony. After about an hour, police and firefighters had just opened one lane of traffic on Broadway. The near corner, on the bottom of the picture, is 54th and Broadway, where I live. The far corner is 53rd and Broadway, where the explosion occurred, on the right behind the building.
ME ME ME!
An article about blogging on japan-japan.com has picture of me in Tokyo! It’s about two thirds down the page in the center, with the caption, “Dav on the right and his friend Danzig in Akihabara.” The article extensively quotes Dav regarding his technical contributions to blogging.
BOOK REVIEW: THE MARTIAN CHRONOCLES (1950) * * (2 stars out of 4).
Ray Bradbury‘s classic collection of stories about Mars was very disappointing to me. The book, except for the very end, is set between 1999 and 2005. I usually really enjoy seeing how things like that hold up when the time comes. But this book did not hold up well at all, mainly because it is simplistic and slow. There’s one particularly offensive story where the last man on Mars goes to great lengths to find the last woman on Mars. He tries calling houses at random, tries fancy hotels, and then finally reasons that a woman would be in a beauty parlor. Sure enough he’s right. Then he drives for days to meet her. But when he sees that she’s too fat, he drives away and never comes back. I have liked some of Ray Bradbury’s short stories, and there are a couple clever ones in this book. But this occurred to me. Bradbury is often called America’s greatest living science-fiction writer. But he wrote The Martian Chronicles, his first book, in 1949. The following year he wrote his next-best known work, Fahrenheit 451 (so named because that’s the temperature at which books burn). But what has he really written since? There are some books you’ve heard of, like The Illustrated Man in 1951, Dandelion Wine in 1957, and Something Wicked This Way Comes back in 1962, and nothing else I’ve ever heard of. That’s a fine collection of work for any author, but I don’t think it’s as impressive as a lot of other great writers. I’m starting to wonder if he might be okay, but overrated.
I AM NOT AFRAID.
MORE ABOUT THE PROTEST.
I got a protest sign to bring with me to the protest yesterday, but I didn’t bring it with me, because it seemed unwieldy, and I wanted to be able to move back and forth between the march and the much faster-moving “civilians” on the sidewalk. But I was going to put a crazy nonsensical protest on the sign. My top four candidates were. “NO GLOVE NO LOVE”, “America to Bush: ‘I’M NOT GOING TO PAY A LOT FOR THIS MUFFLER!'”, “Lesbians Against The War”, or just having a completely blank sign, which was actually an idea I got from my pro-war friend, Andy M..
I PROTEST.
I marched in the big protest in New York today. Police estimate the size of the crowd at about 200,000. The most entertaining part was a guy standing with a bullhorn, saying, “Your attention please. Your attention please. Do not panic. Everything is under control. Please go about your business as if nothing out of the ordinary were happening. Please ignore the man with the bullhorn. The terror alert status has been changed. It has now been classified top secret, for your protection.”
MOVIE REVIEW: WILLARD (2003) * * * (3 stars out of 4).
This remake of the 1971 film by the same name has gotten quite a bit of criticism from reviewers for not being scary enough. But I think those critics miss the point. Willard is not supposed to be a scary movie. It’s supposed to be a creepy movie. And at that, it succeeds brilliantly, mostly because of the great performance by Crispin Glover. Just the same, though, it’s a little slow, and occasionally trite.
BOOK REVIEW: WHAT LIBERAL MEDIA (2003) * * * (3 stars out of 4).
This book, by Eric Alterman does a great job of disproving the myth that the media has a liberal bias, and demonstrating that the U.S. media actually has a conservative, pro-corporate bias. However, the book disappoints when it starts to try to prove the objectivity of liberal points of view. Specifically, any statement by a media source that is critical of a liberal position is presented as evidence of conservative media bias. Any statement by a media source that is supportive of a liberal position is presented as evidence of the truth of the liberal view. But where the logic of the book is strongest and best presented is in its devastating refutation of the best-known arguments given in favor of the position that there is a liberal bias to the news, such as those presented by Anne Coulter or Bernard Goldberg.
BOOK REVIEW: AMERICAN: BEYOND OUR GRANDEST NOTIONS (2002) 1/2 (half a star out of 4).
MSNBC’s Hardball’s Chris Matthews’s New Book is just terrible. The whole time I was going through it, all I could think was “Was he drunk when he wrote this”? The book consists of a string of totally random and unconnected anecdotes about famous politicians and movie stars which are already extremely familiar to any American. The only lesson or moral of this book is that Chris Matthews worships celebrity for its own sake, to a pathological degree.
LET’S GO TEAM!
I just sent this email to ESPN-TV. Let’s see what happens.
—– FORWARDED MESSAGE —–
HOW TO MAKE SPORTS EASIER TO WATCH
It would be a lot easier to watch sports, especially the college basketball tournament, if you’d make each team’s score be displayed the same color as that team’s uniform.
For example, I just tuned in to the Penn / OK State game, and OK State’s uniform is white with red numbers and Penn’s is black with white numbers. So, when you show the score, throughout the game in the corner of the screen, you should display OK State’s name and score as red letters and numbers on a white background, and Penn’s as white letters and numbers on a black background. That way, viewers could instantly tell which team was which, without having to wait for a score or a close-up of a jersey in order to know which team to route for.
As it was, I had to watch the Penn / OK State game for several minutes before I could tell which team was which. As I’m sure you know, it’s very frustrating not to know which team you’re routing for while you’re watching the game, or, worse still, to accidentally route for the wrong team. This can always be an issue in any sport, but it is especially true when trying to keep track of the 64 teams of the NCAA tournament, where it is nearly impossible to learn all the different uniform colors each year.
Many people have told me that this is such a great idea that I should never tell anyone about it, and I should try to protect it, and then sell it to ESPN or another channel. But I would rather just give this idea to you and the other channels, just because I am more interested in seeing sports-watching improved than to try to make money from the idea. Though, if you’d like to give me some free stuff or mention the name of my company (Charge.Com, which provides credit card acceptance for small businesses) on the air, please feel free (but not obligated) to do so.
Please, let me know what you think of this idea, and whether you’ll consider implementing it. I really hope you do, because I know it will make watching sports much more enjoyable for me, for the rest of my life.
Very sincerely,
David Danzig
Charge.Com, Inc.
“HE MURDERS HIS OWN PEOPLE.”
It seems so odd to me that so much is being made of the fact that Saddam Hussein has “gassed his own people”. Putting aside that this was long before the first Gulf War, what about President George W. Bush, who, as Governor of Texas, has overseen the execution of hundreds of Texas citizens? What’s the principle here? It’s okay to kill people who are in custody and tied to a chair, but not to kill people who are engaged in open rebellion against the government, while they’re trying to kill you?
I’m no fan of Saddam, but this particular justification, which is cited so often makes no sense to me as a way of distinguishing between the unelected regimes in Iraq and the U.S.
NYC: OVERRATED & UNDERRATED.
Sean S. sent me this article from Time Out New York (TONY), with the assurance that it was “your kinda shit,” which it is. It lists places and things in New York that the TONY editors consider to be overrated and those that they consider to be underrated. No surprise, practically all the overrated things are in Manhattan and many of the underrated things are in Brooklyn. I don’t agree with all their choices (e.g., “Weekend activity: OVERRATED: BRUNCH . . . UNDERRATED: SLEEP”). And keep in mind that even when you agree with TONY, all the overrated things are still very good to great, and sometimes even better than the underrated things. But I do have to admit that even some of the things in New York that I really, really love, like the Carnegie Deli and Lombardi’s Pizza might indeed be a tad overrated. But the TONY editors seem unduly turned-off by large crowds, where I find that busy energy to be one of the most charming things about New York. But anyway, the important thing is not to avoid the overrated places, but to check out the underrated ones. So, if you’re in New York, or thinking of coming, check out the article.
TOUGH CROWD.
I just got back from Florida, where I stealthily went for a huge surprise party for my mother Tuesday night. My brother Greg, his fiance Rachel, and I rented a ballroom, and had a big catered party with most all her friends. She was completely surprised, and even more surprised that I had come down from New York for the party. She screamed “Oh my god, Oh, my god” with frightening resonance and tenacity, almost exactly the way I’d scream it, if I glanced over and noticed that my hand got cut off.
Two of her friends, Phyllis and Carol Z. said they wanted to have a roast for her, but they actually did a kind of sweet, fun song that wasn’t very harsh, and nobody else did any roasting. Still, as hard is it is to roast your own mother, when I heard there was going to be a roast, I knew I’d have to say something, though I hadn’t really worked it out yet. So after that song, there were touching speeches by Rachel (who presented a fake dictionary page which had a picture of my mom, when you look up “mom” in the dictionary, with the words “World’s Greatest Mom” under the picture, my Mom, and my Dad (who was not let in on the surprise, and was completely surprised by the party). After all that, I knew It was my turn, and it was now or never. This is what I said, to the best of my recollection:
“You know, I heard that there was going to be a roast here tonight, but I actually found Phyllis and Carol’s song very touching and not at all mean-spirited. [At this point Phyllis interrupts and starts talking about whatever] Okay, you had your turn [I said, cutting her off]. Anyway, I don’t know if you saw, but right after that song, I snuck out with [Carol Z.’s husband, Florida State Judge] Howie and got high, and it gave me the chance to introspect, and I realized that a lot of the things I had planned to say for the roast were really very inappropriate. Though, speaking of inappropriate, I can’t believe my dad is wearing jeans tonight. Dad, you’re really underdressed! Actually, it’s really funny that that happened, since he didn’t know about the surprise, because growing up with him, his biggest fear in life is always that he’s going to be underdressed. I just realized, just now, that I think the reason I always dress so conservatively– I always wear a button down shirt and slacks– is because of growing up with him and his constant fear of being underdressed for things. So, my mom didn’t read it out loud, but that dictionary page that Rachel gave her, under her picture, it says ‘World’s Greatest Mom.’ And Greg and Rachel asked me if I wanted to go in on it with them, and make it be from all three of us. And I said no. Because I love my mom, and I think she’s a great mom, but just, intellectually, is she really the world’s greatest mom? I mean, there are, like, two and a half billion mothers in the world. So, what are the chances that she’s really the world’s greatest? Don’t get me wrong. I mean, she’s a great mom. Easily, easily the best mother in this room. But, anyway, it really is very special to me to be down here to share this day with you all. I love you mom, and have a very happy, happy birthday.”
So, everybody came up to me to tell me how funny I was, but I really thought they all made too much of it.
BECKS BEER: IT’S NOT A BUG, IT’S A FEATURE.
I just saw two ads for Becks Beer in a row. The first one shows a guy looking at an attractive woman from across a crowded bar while the announcer says, “Find something that scares you, then A) weep openly; B) begin making elaborate excuses; C) do it immediately. Life beckons, and you’re holding the key.” (the Becks beer logo is a key). The second ad, a little more to the point, shows an attractive couple kissing passionately, while the announcer says, “Don’t forget to A) breathe occasionally; B) floss; C) get her name. Life beckons, and you’re holding the key.”
So, basically, they’re saying that you should get drunk, so that you’ll make a fool of yourself by doing things you know you should fear doing, and also so that you’ll have indiscriminate sex with strangers. Oh, well. At least it’s not false advertising.
OUR NATION’S CAPTIAL.
I spent the weekend in Washington, D.C. visiting my friend David D. and protesting the imminent war with Iraq. There were some very clever placards, like “Bush & Dick: Make Love Not War” and “We need regime change in Washington” It seemed more light-hearted than angry or passionate, but it did get very venomous when the tens of thousands of us passed by a counter-protest set up by a few dozen pro-war demonstrators. Their chant, “War freed the slaves” proved too much, I think. Are they saying they’re just pro-war, in general, without regard to this particular conflict? After all, one side was waging war to keep slaves. Just to be clear, I’m not saying that war is always wrong no matter what; I just think this war is wrong right now. But talking about how a different war freed the slaves sounds like they think that war is always right no matter what. But, of course, that would be completely insane.
Walking the circumlocutious route from the Washington Monument to the White House, I was struck by how many amazing institutions are headquartered in D.C. Of course, there’s the White House and the Capitol Building. But there’s also the F.B.I., the Department of the Treasury, the American Red Cross, The Daughters of the American Revolution, The Department of Justice, and The Smithsonian Institution. And these are just the places that we happened to pass on our march, and that I happened to notice, and that I happen to remember. If any of these places were in any other town it would be a huge deal. For example, Steph T. countered my assertion that her home town of Memphis, Tennessee was the middle of nowhere, by countering that it happens to be Federal Express‘s central processing location, where all their mail passes through. Suppose that the F.B.I. were headquartered in Houston or that the Department of the Treasury were headquartered in Phoenix or that the Smithsonian were based in Miami. Just that one thing in each city would be such a huge big deal in those places. But in D.C., except for the White House and the Capitol, all those places seem to be lost in the mix of dozens of other places that are equally or more famous.
That night I got to go David D.‘s lady-friend, Steph T.‘s birthday party. By a bizarre coincidence, I met Steph about 16 years ago or so when we were both enrolled in Duke University‘s Talent Identification Program for Precocious Youths.
NYC RESTAURANT REVIEW: JEAN GEORGES * * * (3 stars out of 4).
After seeing this restaurant listed with an astonishingly high Zagat food rating of 28 out of 30, I was delighted to learn that they have a $20.03 prix fixe lunch special. But I was quite disappointed with the food, which was really quite ordinary.
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY.
Sean S. writes in to say, “I purchased the book-on-tape of ‘Cryptonomicon,’ and on the cover, instead of ‘Abridged,’ it says ‘Unabridged Excerpts.'”
War is Peace. Ignorance is Strength. Freedom is French. Abridged is Unabridged.
« Previous Page — Next Page »